A Client’s Story as delivered at Off the Wall, October 8, 2022

 My parents were both addicts.  My dad used cocaine and my mother used weed. I started using cocaine, weed, and liquor at 15.  I was prescribed pain pills for cramps – the opioids that we hear so much about.  I became addicted and eventually began using heroin.

 I became involved in an abusive relationship, had my son, and eventually went to prison for nine months on assault charges.  Except for the time in prison, I always had my son with me.

 Once I was released from prison, I was not ready to be clean. Eventually my abusive partner went to prison. I was about to lose my left arm to infection and at 31 years old I had been high nearly half of my life.  I was tired of that life and wanted to change. I found my way to Sheffield Place with my 9 year old son.  I would like to be able to say that I loved it from the start, but that wouldn’t be true.  So many times, I wanted to walk out.  I was a mess for the first 9 months.  I went cold turkey off of all drugs and narcotic medications.

All along the way, the staff cared about my success.  My case manager, Regina, rode me hard because she knew I could succeed.  And I did. I stayed at Sheffield Place for 11 months and then moved into a Sheffield Place house where my son and I have lived for 2 years. 

I am proud of my successes.  I’m off parole.  I’ve had my job for two years.  I’m three-fifths of the way to obtaining my GED, and my son is involved with school activities.  I have learned that I can take care of myself, make my own decisions, and pay my own bills.  I’m taking steps to buy my own home including improving my credit score.  

But it hasn’t been easy.  I’ve had to process my feelings of guilt for what I put my son through.  I thought I was only hurting myself, but I realize I was hurting him too.  At Sheffield Place he opened up and told me that he was always scared that he would find me dead.

I am still trying to find my way and probably always will be.  When you are trying to create a life for yourself and your son – one of safety and stability – it’s hard when you’ve never seen what that looks like.

I took a wrong turn this summer and relapsed for six weeks.  I could blame it on a bad relationship or on a death in my family, but I have to accept responsibility.  I had stopped taking my mental health meds. I isolated myself. I felt lonely.  I put my job and my family’s security at risk. 

At one point during my relapse, I was in a drug house.  I remember sitting there high with other people who were also struggling. They were high, in pain, and had lost their children to the state. I remember looking around and thinking to myself what am I doing here? I deserved better than this. I had never thought like that before, not in this situation. That I deserved better. 

I reached out to my counselors at Sheffield Place to let them know what happened. I knew that I had to be honest in my recovery.  I didn’t want to get away with using.  That would only leave the door open for me to consider getting away with it again – another path to another relapse.  That’s how an addict’s mind works.

Since then, I have worked on building my support system. I realized my coworkers, that have been in my life for the last two years, are huge supports. I have gone back to NA meetings and am finding a church. I have dreams for my future and my son’s future that include finishing my GED, going to community college, becoming a cosmetologist, and opening my own business.

Thank you for listening and for supporting the work of Sheffield Place.  It saved my life.